I’m in my third decade of following Jesus and I’ve had several milestones, or ebenezers (stones of remembrance), that remind me God is not only a historical, scientific fact, but He is also living and active in my own life. One of those ebenezers happened a little more than a decade ago. I was having health issues that seemed to have no solution. I was experiencing abdominal pain that was getting progressively worse. I finally ended up in the ER, and after running all kinds of tests, doctors were stumped. They couldn’t figure out why I was having stomach pain so intense that I could barely walk. They offered to admit me to the hospital to manage my pain but couldn’t prescribe anything beyond a proverbial band-aid.

I finally found my way to a doctor who wanted to get to the root cause of my pain, not just mask it. He took me through a pretty extreme elimination diet to find if any foods were causing inflammation and discomfort. When the doctor gave me the list of foods I had to eliminate, my first reaction was panic. I had to cut out just about everything I was used to eating. My mind went straight to how terrible my life was going to be if all foods were not available to me at all times. Limits brought out a very real fear I didn’t even know I had.

It was a struggle, especially the first week, but I did it. I noticed almost immediate relief from my abdominal pain. After the first month, I was allowed to add a few more foods into my narrow diet. One of the highlights to my menu was the addition of rice chips. Whoa. Rice chips – now that’s living! But believe me when I tell you, I looked forward to those salty, crispy rice chips every day because they were – all things considered – the one non-boring food I could eat. Even though I was feeling better physically, the banner over my mood was “deprived”. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much delicious food I was missing out on (while it seemed like everyone else could eat whatever they wanted with no issues). I felt pretty sorry for myself.

At my next appointment with my new doctor, I expected him to be so impressed with my progress… I was! However, during our appointment, he seemed confused. He was looking at my numbers and something didn’t make sense, so he asked what I’d been eating. I assured him I only ate what was allowed, hadn’t overindulged, and that my big splurge was the recently added rice chips. He said, “Hmmm… how many rice chips are you eating?” I told him and he told me to cut the amount in half. At this point, I started to get a little indignant. I’d given up so much, was not cheating at all, and now I had to give up even more! I said to my doctor, “This is SO UNFAIR! I’ve already given up so much and the one thing that I enjoy, you want me to cut in half. Ugh.”

I will never forget what happened next. He said, “For some people it’s sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll. For you, it’s rice chips.” My anger and frustration evaporated as soon as he spoke those words. Instead of being disappointed, I found his statement comforting, and also beautifully overwhelming. Immediately I had a thought I knew was from the Lord: “He reigns me in at rice chips,” and tears started streaming. Then, because I was crying, I had to explain how much God loves me to my doctor. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting the appointment to go in that direction. But I couldn’t get over the truth that God’s guardrails were so tight on me that I didn’t have to worry about falling prey to bigger, deadlier vices.

He reigns me in at rice chips. All at once I felt immensely loved and protected by the Lord. Every feeling of being restricted was replaced by the knowledge that I had the freedom to move within the loving boundaries God provided especially for me – because He loves me. He’s both God who so loved the world, and He’s also God who cares about every detail of my life (and the lives of all of His children). He is both whole-wide-world-big and every corner of my life small and intimate.

I was focused on the desires of my plate, but He gave me the desires of my heart… Himself. My feelings of deprivation were replaced with abundance. I had Him, and that was better than the grandest, most gluttonous buffet. I started the healing process feeling deprived because I couldn’t eat whatever I wanted, but He left me satisfied to the point of overflowing. AW Tozer said, “You can have as much of God as you want.” He is not the God of deprivation, but the God of more than we could ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). He is limitless in His love for us and His offer to know Him more. We can know Him, He can speak into our lives, He can move mountains. He calls us, wants us near, and it is our choice to abide.

Not only did the Lord fill me with His presence that day in my doctor’s office, but He healed my physical issues. The intense pain I used to experience daily is a distant memory, but the Lord’s unmistakable presence that day in my doctor’s office is one of my most precious ebeneezers.

He knew I needed less in order to live more. “He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul He fills with good things” (Psalm 107:9).

Dear Lord, Thank You for making Yourself available to us. So often we want more – more of everything – but in Your lovingkindness You reign us in. Lord, let us not focus on “more” when You are clearly giving us a boundary for our good. Thank You for caring about our every detail. Our only right response to Your presence in our lives is awe. May our worship be reserved for You only. Maranatha! Amen.