Shame has been a difficult word for each of us to write about this month. It’s not as straightforward as most words, because shame is often cloaked with the sidekicks of guilt and disappointment, clinging to us like an invisible, yet pesky, spiderweb that we can’t pull off all the strings. Shame doesn’t discriminate, it is available to everyone: male and female, preschool to the elderly, each ethnicity and financial status. And because we often don’t discuss it or forgive ourselves for it, we silently carry shame around, year after year. We erect walls we think are protecting us but are blocking us from true safety and freedom.

In my experience as a friend (by no means a professional therapist) listening to others share their story of shame, regardless if they are re-entering society after prison, or a seemingly well-adjusted, middle-class individual, shame takes its toll on all of us. Years of self-rejection and bitterness, regret and disappointment, lead to unloving actions and the fear of never being truly loved. Doesn’t this just break your heart? The confessions and stories shared are more than bad decisions or just plain bad luck. They include the judgment, accusations, and condemnation that often follow shame. And the horrible (negative) reputational impact that occurs from the gossip that surrounds their scenario.

It’s heartbreaking to hear about the abuse inflicted on innocent children and adults.

My heart is equally wrenched as I listen and realize that there is an additional side-kick that often leads directly to feeling ashamed. The majority of the stories I hear include: sharing naked pictures/videos, pornography, sexual abuse, sexual promiscuity, abortion, and even current-day prostitution as men make a pit stop on their drive to work.

Is it because shame was introduced to the world through Adam and Eve’s nakedness?

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.” Genesis 3:7.

The Bible explains that after Adam and Eve sinned (by taking and eating the forbidden fruit), they felt guilt and embarrassment over their nakedness. Then they hid from God:

“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.” Genesis 3:8-10.

Guess what? The enemy uses the same tricks over and over, and just like at the beginning of time, he uses shame still today to lure us away from God. It makes us embarrassed and afraid. It prevents us from seeking the Lord to help in our healing and our forgiveness.

We don’t need to live this way… But Satan hopes we fall for it.

Separating us from God is Satan’s goal. He is jealous of our relationship with God because he had it too…and tossed it aside. We often don’t think of why the enemy is evil. We know he is prideful… but does he have shame and regret too?

We read how he wanted to be God, that he was beautiful, had wisdom and pride, and because of his sin, was driven “in disgrace from the mount of God,” (Ezekiel 28:16). I believe Satan wants to keep us from a relationship with God because he had it and knows how AMAZING it is. He knows when we have it, we are less likely to believe his mischievous plans. So, to keep us away from God, the enemy repeatedly whispers the lies, the bad choices, and the terrible scenarios. He loves for us to replay our guilt and shame over and over.

But, we don’t need to live this way. We can ask for the relationship (or get it back) that God created to have with Adam and Eve in the garden before their sin (Genesis 3:8-10) because Jesus has already redeemed us from these ugly actions that happened to us or by us.

Go to Him.

Let your story have a new ending. One of forgiveness and shame washed away.

Regardless of the root of your shame, I encourage you to ask God for help as you process these thoughts. Ask how can you help change generations before they experience it. Stand up to help friends release their burdens of shame and speak out to prevent these scenarios that lead to future shame – teach the dangers of pornography, restrict internet access to sexually graphic sites (for all ages and genders), encourage abstinence and purity until marriage, and discourage flagrant/scandalous activities disguised as bachelor parties, guys weekends, one-night stands, etc. Discuss how you and your spouse/friends can have judgment-free conversations around these topics to encourage repenting and releasing of shame.

“On this mountain the LORD Almighty will prepare a feast of rich food for all peoples,
a banquet of aged wine – the best of meats and the finest of wines. On this mountain He will destroy the shroud that enfolds all peoples, the sheet that covers all nations; He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; He will remove His people’s disgrace from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.” Isaiah 25:6-8.

Let us look forward to our future with the Lord, clean of sin, no more tears, enjoying this eternal banquet in relationship with Him.

Please pray with me:
Lord, I ask that these words inspired by You will stir those who have hidden and/or deep-rooted shame, to take this moment to release it. That they would repent to You, and find a friend, therapist, or pastor to share their burdens and start experiencing Your true safety, freedom, and unconditional love.

Lord, I also want to thank You for allowing Jen, Julie, and me to tackle these tough topics through Your word. We are humbled by this ministry You have given us to learn, press in, and unburden our hearts. Thank You for the gifts You have given each of us to encourage others to desire more and more of You. Amen.

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