I came to faith in Jesus when I was in college, but my journey hasn’t always been a steady walk bringing me closer every year. I’ve had seasons of maintenance, where I’ve experienced little to no growth, and I’ve also benefitted from times that have catapulted me into His steady and benevolent arms. Life has a way of offering new experiences that bring fresh perspective, and oftentimes those can help us relate to God and grow our faith.

When I had my first child, for example, it opened my mind to comprehend love in a whole new way. The intimate love that connects a parent and child also helped me to grasp God’s Fatherly love for me in a way I had never experienced before. As I looked at my new baby, I knew immediately that I would do anything for him and that he could never do anything to shake my commitment or adoration. I recall nursing him in the quiet of night, weeping at the blessing of motherhood; it was something beyond anything I had ever felt. Simultaneously, I understood the human limitation of my love, contrasted by that of God’s love, which is immeasurably vast beyond comprehension (Ephesians 3:18-19). Motherhood changed me not only as a person, but it also transformed my faith as I embraced a heightened reality of God’s character and depth.

Similarly, marriage offers parallels that can help illustrate God’s devotion to believers. In fact, marriage is used multiple times throughout scripture as a metaphor to illustrate Jesus’ covenant commitment to His people, the Church. In these metaphors, Jesus is named as the “Bridegroom,” while His “bride” encompasses all who love Him. Ephesians 5:25-27 and 5:31-32 underscore an active, unconditional, sacrificial union that is intimate, committed, and lasting. And ultimately, when Jesus returns, the Church will be united with the Bridegroom and the official “wedding ceremony” will take place and, with it, the eternal union of Christ and His bride will be actualized (Revelation 19:7–9; 21:1-2).

Let me be the first to say that although this marriage metaphor is meant to reflect Jesus’ perfect love for us, I have yet to see a perfect marriage, including my own. We are all, of course, human, and with that comes brokenness and sin patterns (Romans 3:23), which are thankfully covered by His sacrifice (Hebrews 9:27-28). Through 27 years of marriage, we’ve had ups and downs, and we’ve learned a lot about ourselves and what makes a partnership successful. The growth and persistence we’ve gained has resulted in both a solid union and an intimate bond. We would, indeed, die for one another, but we’re hoping not to have to do that;  instead, we’re hoping to do a lot more laughing and enjoying our purposes together!

In our imperfect ways, we’ve learned several things that have helped to solidify our marriage and hopefully point others to Jesus more often. Here are five things to remember:

1) Marriage begins with and rests on a sacred relationship. It’s not just the vow or promise, but the fulfillment of the strongest union;Jesus loved us so much, He gave His life for us in order to be with us forever.So, if spouses are to reflect that, we should maximize the relationship as friends, partners, and lovers, prioritizing one another ahead of other friends, children, and work. Together, enjoy fun, create safety and trust, and show up in supportive ways for one another. Don’t allow distractions or temptations to isolate. Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10).

2) Marriage requires attentive listening and honest, vulnerable communication. Men and women are created very differently, and their brains process differently, too. It’s important to seek to understand and to communicate needs and hurts. Don’t make assumptions, except in the case of assuming the best of your partner. If constructive communication is met harshly, bring in other believers (or counselors) to help resolve conflict and bridge gaps. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29).

3) Marriage benefits from sacrifice and stumbles in selfishness. Jesus Himself did not demand His own way; He submitted to the Father. Husbands and wives should be open to concessions and compromises that put their spouse’s needs ahead of their own. This doesn’t mean allowing yourself to be walked all over; rather, it’s a two-way street, where partners are pursuing God’s best for each other. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).

4) Marriage is a union of two different people, each of whom has unique needs and also wants to be appreciated for who they are. Become a student of your spouse. Men typically have a greater need for respect, while women often need to feel loved and cherished. As well, both partners have their own love language; do you consider them in your daily life? To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us. ~Tim Keller, from The Meaning of Marriage.

5) Marriage is not always simple. It takes effort, commitment, consideration, and thoughtfulness. There will be seasons where these things don’t come easily and it will require work when you feel tired and drained. This is exactly why it’s critical to keep God at the center. How does that happen? By knowing God, communing with Him, reading His Word, and praying together. It’s incredibly refreshing to rely on His sovereignty rather than trying to control things on our own. He can be trusted, and He is able to carry our burdens, no matter how heavy. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).

As my husband and I have grown deeper in our faith through the years, we have also grown closer in our marriage. This is no coincidence, I’m certain. As we have invited God to continue

His transforming work in our lives, and we seek to be more like Him, it’s no wonder that we become better partners to each other. Sure, we remain far from perfect, however, our marriage relationship does bring me more hope each year. Jesus is relational, and He chose to use marriage as the example of His intimate, unending, fully committed bond to His people. As we lay down our own lives and experience more joy in our union, I see the connection. I want more of it, more of Him, and more for every spouse He has joined together. Not only will it build marriages, it may help build the Kingdom as well. Lord, may it be so!

Lord, how kind You are to give us earthly analogies to help us understand You more. Your goodness is overwhelming, and Your example is worth following. Help us listen to Your voice and guide us to a deeper intimacy with You that spills into our marriage. May we see You and praise You for the joy we gain from our sacred matrimonial union, and may we lift each other up and point to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.