What does it mean to be “feminine”? In today’s culture, it may be confusing. Who can or should be feminine? What does it look like? How should it be embraced? Is there an old-fashioned versus modern view, and where does a biblical view fall?

Being feminine, by definition, simply means taking on the characteristics of a woman. In our world full of assumptions, many will automatically (and without much added thought) lean toward the general stereotypes of womanhood: meek, fragile, emotional, weak, and dependent. Why do these all sound so negative and powerless? Not for one second do I believe that God’s intention for women is to be viewed as less than men, nor are His plans for women’s lives diminished in comparison. While unique to masculinity, femininity is equal in value, and it has much more breadth than is typically credited to our gender.

If I use myself as an example, I must confess that pink is absolutely my favorite color. As well, I love flowers and floral prints, pretty jewelry, and fabulous shoes. And to be clear, for me, nothing beats snuggling with someone I love. At the same time, it’s also quite fair to call myself a fierce athlete. I love tennis, both doubles and singles, and I am absolutely wired for competition. Not only do I challenge myself to continually improve through training, lessons, and lots of practice, but I also thoroughly enjoy scoring against an opponent and winning points — game, set, match! I have been known to have a never-quit attitude, and I have proven myself by grinding it out and coming from behind to claim victory many times. My own husband metaphorically calls me a “junk yard dog” for my unwavering persistence. I know he means it as a compliment, but let’s be real, it surely doesn’t sound feminine, right?

Perhaps we should consider things from God’s point of view in scripture. He made all of creation and called it, “good,” however, there was one dynamic He wanted to improve. Shortly after He made Adam, God decided it was not good for him to be alone; he needed a helper (Genesis 2:18). It’s clear that God had something special and specific in mind for Adam’s helper. Verse 20 tells us that “no suitable helper was found,” which means that Adam and God must have scanned the earth looking for something or someone with certain qualities for companionship with Adam. Only when they could not find what they were looking for did God create Eve.

If we pause to consider one important detail, it may impact how you think about Eve and perhaps all women. Genesis Chapter 1 tells us that God proclaimed that the land would produce vegetation and living creatures, and it was as He said. Genesis 2:19 reiterates that “God had formed out of the ground all wild animals and all the birds in the sky.” Similar to the animals, God created Adam from this same dirt. We read in Genesis 2:7 that “the Lord formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” 

Eve, however, was completely unique to every other living thing in the way she was created.

Verses 21-22 describe the Lord causing Adam to go to sleep, so He could remove a rib from his body. After closing his body back up, “the Lord God made woman from the rib.” Unlike everything else that originated from the ground, Eve’s life was derived directly from a piece of man. She quite literally embodied his missing piece, and therefore her feminine qualities became the perfect match. I think back to the romantic line in the movie, “Jerry Maguire” when Tom Cruise famously says, “You complete me.” Quite frankly, this is the truth for all womankind. Our origin completed mankind and all of creation. This was God’s final task for creation, and only then did it become not just “good” but “very good” (Genesis 1:31). As well, it’s vital to consider God’s intention for Adam’s “helper.” The word’s Hebrew translation is ezer kenegdow. An ezer is a powerful and vital helper; God is even referred to by this same term, so it’s in no way diminishing. Kenegdow means “according to the opposite of him,” which underscores a complementing partnership.

It’s so important for women to let that truth sink into our souls. Our defining characteristics were made with such intention, need, and purpose. For anyone to even suggest that women are less valuable than men would be nothing short of absurd when you consider these details. Our femininity is the perfect complement and missing piece to creation, and our unique qualities are needed. God Himself knew this, and it’s why He made us. We are not supposed to be exactly like men; our brains and bodies were made for different purposes. Most people would agree, we don’t even think the same, never mind being physically capable of the same things. That said, we are all equal in our value and in His love for us. We all have the same hope in the family of God, for “there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).

As I consider the questions asked at the beginning of this blog post, I caution anyone to be too narrow with what femininity looks like. Women can embrace a wide array of characteristics, gifts, and talents. The important thing is that we realize they were given to us by God and are to be used for His good and glory (Romans 12:6-8). For some women, their feminine qualities may be used in medicine, business, construction or law enforcement. For others, their calling may be more geared to their family or community. The one thing that scripture does warn women about is getting too caught up in their outward appearance; beauty is not our main value (1 Peter 3:3-4). (And oh, how Satan can make us feel so self conscious – that’s a whole other blog post!). Rather, like all Christians, our priorities should be rooted in the heart, with an obvious love for God and others. 

A woman who radiates Christ has lasting beauty far beyond what is seen from afar (Proverbs 31:30). Those feminine qualities, no matter how they are used for career, community, or otherwise are what will draw people to Jesus, wherever He has placed them in their daily activities and regardless of how girly or tomboyish people perceive them to be. Most importantly, women, just like men, are made in the image of Christ (Genesis 1:27) and we can thank God daily for exactly how He made us. Make no mistake, ladies, our femininity is timeless, purpose-driven, powerful, complementary, and vital to creation. Own who He made you to be and go out into the world with confidence in your identity as a woman!

Father, God, and our Beloved Creator, help us to pause now and give You thanks for the special care and specific intentionality You poured into our feminine creation. Let us be reminded of how purposeful You were and are in every day of our lives. Guard us from the lies of the enemy and society that might cause us to feel devalued, objectified, or diminished. May we remember the truth of Your love, our likeness to You, and our hope in eternity. In Jesus’ name, Amen.