Looking back like a spectator of my own life, one of my favorite chapters is when Jesus came for me my junior year of college. I love looking back on falling absolutely in love with Jesus and His moment-by-moment faithfulness in our new relationship. I’d been introduced to Him and followed Him when I was younger, but I let the world shout down His call on my life. After years of living life on my terms, I was lonely and empty. He came for me, and I was eager to follow Him – this time for good. I tasted and saw the world was bitter, and He was sweet.

At 21 years old, I started going to church and hanging out with friends who took their faith seriously. Those were both great amendments to my daily life… but sometimes I felt like the pastor at church and my new friends were speaking different language and I was left out of the conversation. I realized in the years I’d spent away from the Lord, church, and Christian fellowship, I’d forgotten Bible stories and never learned common Christian phrases, which made me want to dive back into His Word. I was super excited about Jesus and all He was doing in my life that I wanted to fast-forward the spiritual maturation process.

I didn’t have a Bible at college, so I went and bought one. I also bought a children’s Bible and children’s Bible story books. I knew I needed to be taught like a child as I sought to learn more about Jesus. I immediately dove into different parts of each book. Daily I would I read my Bible, children’s Bible, and the Bible storybooks.

This is the part of the story where the reader is expecting me to share that I read the Bible, understood it all, and could have deep theological conversations with my Christian friends. That’s what I was hoping would happen, too. Hang tight. This story zigs before it zags.

Setting out on my quest to read the Bible, I didn’t want to start at Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning,” so I would just open my Bible anywhere, point to a verse, and start reading. Kind of like Bible roulette. At first, I stayed in the New Testament, mostly in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). But as I cherry-picked passages, I became very confused. Confused and distraught. I hate to say it, but this is honestly what my 21-year-old self thought while reading the Bible: Jesus was not someone I would have wanted to be around much less follow. I was thoroughly confused as to how Jesus had this loving reputation when He seemed flat out rude in many of His interactions.   

Luke 9:59-61 was especially confusing. Jesus invited a man to follow Him and the man asked if he could first go and bury his father. That seemed like a reasonable request. But Jesus responded, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Seems harsh, right? In the very next verse another man came and told Jesus he will follow Him, but first he would like to say good-bye to his family. Another seemingly reasonable request. However, Jesus responded, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.” Jesus was basically telling this guy he was unfit to serve Jesus because he wanted to say good-bye to his family. Ouch. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised because in the chapter before (Luke 8:19-21) Jesus was told that His mother and brothers came to see Him, but they couldn’t get near Him because of the crowd. I expected Jesus to part the crowd like the Red Sea for His mother and brothers, but instead, He said, “My mother and brothers are those who hear God’s word and put it into practice.” Poor Mary and sons. That had to sting.

My confusion was mixed with sadness at what seemed like a not-so-kind side of Jesus. He seemed abrasive, cold, and unloving. I’d just pledged my life to Him, so this was disconcerting, to say the least. I wondered if the millions of people who proclaim Christ had read those troubling passages? Did anyone else have a problem with Jesus’ attitude? How could this Christian faith both command its followers to honor their mothers and fathers and also tell them they can’t go to a funeral or say good-bye to a parent? And didn’t God design the family unit on purpose to love and care for each other? I was reading the Bible to become more informed and know Jesus, but I just became confused.

But thankfully, God did not just give us His Word. He also gave His children the Holy Spirit. While I was distraught at what I was reading, the Holy Spirit prompted me to keep investigating and not “lean on my own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5). I did not find the answers immediately, but I was drawn to Jesus and I knew there was something I was missing. As I studied more, it became clear that Jesus was not condemning family commitments, which would go against other scriptures throughout the Bible. Jesus was honestly telling the men that following Him would include serving, suffering, persecution, and dying to self. He was also making clear that a life of partial devotion was not what He was offering. These passages took on a deeper meaning when a friend of mine started to investigate Jesus. She was ready to accept Jesus as her Savior, however, her parents would disown her if she became a Christian. She had to chose between her family and Jesus. She chose Jesus and I was able to share these verses with her knowing He honored her sacrifice.

As far as Jesus devaluing His own mother and brothers, that simply wasn’t the case. We read in John 19 how much He loved and thought of His mother specifically. As Jesus was hanging on the cross in excruciating pain, He looked down at His mother and the disciple John who were at the foot of the cross. He said to Mary, “Dear woman, here is your son,” and to John, “Here is your mother.” He was making sure His mother was taken care of by John since He would not be there to care for her. Also, we know Mary and Jesus’ brothers became Believers (Acts 1:12-14). They did not feel slighted by Jesus, but elevated Him beyond the status of son and brother to Savior.

All of this (and more) became clear not by cherry-picking verses out of context as I did when I was a new Believer. Instead, my life of understanding and deep reverence for the Lord and His Word have come from reading the Bible in its entirety as one extended, generation-to-generation love story of redemption and reunion. As Tara Leigh Cobble of The Bible Recap likes to say, “Scripture interprets scripture. Verses must be viewed in light of other verses.” We must see the wholeness of scripture to understand our history, His love for us, and His plan for our future. We were never meant to snack on the Bible, picking verses here and there to tide us over until we feel hunger pangs for Biblical revelation. No, we were meant to feast on and devour God’s Word as we walk on assignment through this earth.

I look back and I’m thankful for the journey the Lord took me on to know Him more. God didn’t just turn my confusion into understanding – He turned it into AWE. Those same passages that tripped me up as a new believer now give me peace, comfort and a foundation. He is the God of truth, clarification, and revelation.

Dear Lord, thank You for giving us Your Word. You didn’t leave us here to figure everything out on our own. You didn’t leave us to guess about Your character and with Whom we are dealing. You are only good and Your Word reveals Your lovingkindness. Lord, may we not settle for confusion where there is clarity. Holy Spirit move in us. Speak to us, reveal Yourself to us, and let us not be satisfied with anything or anyone less than You, Lord. Marantha! Amen.