I suppose I’ve always been a writer, but I didn’t always like to write. In high school and college, I wrote essays effortlessly but didn’t really enjoy the process. My very first English professor in college even asked to meet with me to discuss my future in writing. I appreciated her kind words about my “talent and potential,” but I didn’t like the idea of being a writer. Sitting alone, putting my thoughts down for others to read sounded like a boring life choice.

And lo and behold, after college, every job I had entailed writing. I wrote about croissants, palliative and hospice care, broadband internet, and every combination of crust, sauce, cheese, and toppings imaginable. I seemed to have a talent for writing, but I really didn’t like doing it. So many people have talents that are also their deepest passions – I wondered why I didn’t really seem to like my God-given gift.

Then, in 2009, I decided to submit writing samples to our local newspaper’s “Mom’s Panel” – a group of moms who published their parenting perspectives on a variety of topics. The editor of the Mom’s Panel contacted me to discuss writing for them. Our meeting went very well, and it was almost a done deal, but I had one caveat that I knew could railroad me being on the Mom’s Panel. My caveat? I only wanted to write if I could include a Christian perspective on parenting. The editor paused for a moment and replied, “We want you to write from who you are, and if that’s who you are, that’s great.” And I accepted a position on the Mom’s Panel.

I’d written for years but in writing my first few entries for the Mom’s Panel, I noticed something: I suddenly loved writing. It invigorated me, and I found all my free thoughts going to sentence structure and word choices that would creatively convey my perspective on whatever area of parenting we were covering. What was different? Why did something that seemed boring before suddenly become a life-giving joy?

Jesus. All those other topics I had written about didn’t interest me. However, writing about Jesus, parenting, and marriage lit me up in the most wonderful way.

As my joy escalated, I was also being tempted to believe I had no business writing about anything from a Christian perspective. There were definite chapters in my life that were not marked by walking with the Lord at all. Therefore, my tempter tried to tempt, wouldn’t my writing from a Christian perspective be confusing at best and hypocritical at worst? I had fully devoted my life to Christ, but I also carried shame from my years of living in total self-reliance. I was getting more and more opportunities to write and speak in Christian arenas and shame was shouting that I shouldn’t be stepping into those arenas. I heavily debated stepping away altogether.

Thankfully, I was meeting weekly with Christian women and when I shared my struggle to continue writing and speaking in Christian spaces, they reminded me of what God said about me. I was forgiven, redeemed, called, and set apart for His good works. They clearly pointed out that I was being tempted to believe a lie of Satan, bound by his paper handcuffs.

I wonder if Satan tried the same shame tactic with Peter? 

“Then he (Peter) began to call down curses, and he swore to them, ‘I don’t know the man!’”

“Immediately a rooster crowed.Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: ‘Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.’ And he went outside and wept bitterly” (Matthew 26:74-75).

The night Jesus was taken into custody, Peter publicly denied knowing Jesus at all. And when Peter realized what he’d done, he was overcome with grief and shame.

A short time later, after Jesus’ resurrection, Peter told his friends he was going out to fish. Fishing was Peter’s profession before meeting Jesus; it’s what he knew. The first time Peter met Jesus, Jesus told him he would become a fisher of people (Mark 1:17). But after denying Jesus, Peter probably didn’t feel worthy to preach the Gospel to anyone. I imagine his shoulders were perpetually slumped and his head hung low. He must have worn shame like a coat.

As he was fishing out in a boat, Peter saw Jesus on the shore, jumped in and swam to give Jesus a big, wet hug. Jesus, knowing Peter was steeped in shame for denying Him, set the stage to recreate the scene with a different outcome. Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. Each time, Peter answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love You” (John 21:15-17). Jesus wasn’t asking Peter these questions to shame him. Rather, Jesus was setting Peter free from shame. Each time Peter replied to Jesus, Jesus gave Peter a command, “Feed my lambs,” or “Take care of my sheep.” Jesus was far from finished with Peter. Jesus had a plan for him, a glorious mission for him. Jesus used Peter to build the foundation of the early church.  

What if Peter had been bound by his shame? What if he could not get past denying the Lord three times right before He was crucified? What if Peter believed his denial of the Lord disqualified him from ever being used by the Lord again?

If Peter had been overtaken by shame, at least two things would have happened: First, the church surely would have been built, but Peter would have missed out on the joy and honor of laying the foundation of the church. Second, Satan would have been delighted his plan to thwart Peter worked so marvelously.

And that’s exactly what shame is, Satan’s plan to thwart God’s plans in His people. The shameful memories that play on a loop are like chains being wrapped around us hindering all God created us to be and do while we are on this side of Heaven. But those chains are like paper and easily broken as soon as we give our shame over to the Lord.

Shame is a consequence of sin, and since we’ve all sinned, we all have the potential to let shame rule in our lives. As soon as sin entered the world, so did shame (Genesis 3:7). But nowhere in the Bible does it say God wants us to be ashamed or to wallow in guilt. His plan, instead, is always for us to be restored to Himself.

Is shame holding you back from being all God created you to be? Take it to Him in prayer and ask Him to deal with your shame. If you have trusted Christian friends with whom you can share, let them speak truth into just how weak the shame game really is. It’s time to break the paper chains of shame holding you back from all God has planned for you.

Lord, we all have shameful memories we wish we could erase. We can’t, but You tell us that when Your children repent, You remember our sins no more. To You, our sins are as far as the east is from the west. Your loving graciousness leaves me in awe. The One we sin against made a way for our sins to be paid for with the blood of His own Son. Who is like You? Thank You for giving Your children dignity and raising us up from the pit of shame. You are glorious and we praise Your Holy Name. Maranatha! Amen.