Have you ever said something to a friend that you wish you could take back? Maybe a mean comment, or a critical response? My guess is we all have. For me, I often replay the situation, thinking through how I could’ve said it better or sweeter, or even not at all. I sometimes wish the actions that followed could have been avoided and everyone would be on their merry way.

As I study scripture to get closer to God, become more intimate with Jesus and understand His character, I realize the “merry way” is the easier road, but not the path to deeper faith. As I read the words Jesus spoke, prophets professed, and disciples repeated, the road map they are presenting is appealing, yet very different from the ways of the world. I’ll give you an easy example from Jesus’ first public sermon, commonly referred to as the Beatitudes or the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:1-12). His words and principles are in contradiction to the concepts many of us have learned since childhood. Instead of the ways of being a “good enough” person, Jesus teaches how to be a citizen of Heaven: by showing humility and empathy, seeking God first before anything – even self – and responding with compassion, forgiveness, and repentance. Let’s drill down on verse 9, Jesus said, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”

Being a peacemaker doesn’t mean acting as a doormat, even though deflecting or changing the subject can be appealing in many difficult situations. A peacemaker is someone who actively seeks reconciliation. They fix problems by admitting they are wrong, asking for forgiveness, or simply forgiving the person who has hurt them (even if an apology never comes). That’s a tough personality trait to develop and sustain. Yet it is necessary for believers to do these things. As we incorporate the repenting and forgiveness cycle into our lives, the characteristics of our lives become more like Jesus. We become holy and are set apart for sacred use by God.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”

2 Corinthians 7:10.

But there are moments when our old worldly ways slip out, right? When we don’t respond exactly like What Would Jesus Do! I know it’s not just me because I can find this in the scriptures too. Two of the disciples, who loved Jesus, lived in community with Him, and believed He was the Messiah, are forever remembered by words they wished they could take back.

Judas is known as the betrayer (Matthew 26:48). Even though Jesus predicted to all Twelve disciples that “truly I tell you, one of you will betray me” (John 13:21), Judas is the one who followed through with a kiss. But, did you know the next morning Judas was “seized with remorse” (Matthew 27:3)? He went back to the chief priests to try to remedy the situation, but they wouldn’t accept his blood money (payment for murder), and Judas ended his life.

Simon Peter is also infamous. He is known as the denier. At the Last Supper, the same dinner where Jesus predicted Judas would betray Him, Jesus said to Peter, “Truly I tell you, this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” To which Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” (Matthew 26:34-35). Hours later, “Peter swore to the crowd, “I don’t know the man!” Immediately the rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly” (Matthew 26:74-75).

I’m sure many of us can empathize with Judas and Peter. It’s that moment of anguish, grief, shame, and sorrow. Our intentions were different than our actions and/or our words. And we wish we could go back.

Fortunately, the Bible shares how Jesus offers Peter a do over. I encourage you to read the encounter in John 21. It is a beautiful depiction of God’s love and redemption to one of His first followers; the same love and redemption that is available to us too. Midway through the chapter there is a section in my Bible titled, Jesus Reinstates Peter:

“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”
Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”
The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!” John 21:15-19.

With each request Jesus makes, He is stripping away Peter’s rejection and betrayal, allowing him to begin again. Why? Jesus knew there were human souls for this fisherman to catch. There was Kingdom work to do. And Peter does. Pick up the Book of Acts and you read about Peter bringing hundreds of new followers to the Church, preaching by the power of the Holy Spirit in jail and boldly to the chief priests. He and his shadow healed people and removed impure spirits. He truly was the Rock on which the Church was built.

I’ve always related to and cheered on Peter for his decisiveness, physical strength, and bold personality, especially for asking to walk on water. I too have confidently said “I’ll lay down my life for Christ.” So, both of these stories, that night in the garden when Judas thinks he is getting the plan to start sooner, and the morning in the courtyard when Peter denies Jesus, make me realize all of us can mess up.

Which brings me back to those moments of wishing we could take back ugly words. In the ample opportunities of sticking my foot in my mouth, one thing I have found that makes a difference is recognizing the mistake and humbly apologizing for it. I can think of a time when I was having people over for dinner. I was behind schedule and asked our daughter to help prepare a dish for me. Instead of letting her do her task, which she is quite capable of doing, I looked over my shoulder, and I criticized her approach with a quick, piercing comment, I could immediately tell I hurt her feelings.

As a parent, I don’t “need” to apologize. The world would say I am the boss. My way goes. But, as a Christian, I want to stand apart and respond as Christ did. Plus, I also wanted to make the relationship right with my daughter. I didn’t want her holding onto any anger or bitterness from my words. When I asked her if I could share this story, she said “Mom, you are very good at realizing if you mess up. There’s been multiple times you’ve taken me aside and apologized as though I was your friend, your equal, rather than being your daughter.”

Those are sweet words of encouragement to me. I hope they are to you too. The next time you say the wrong thing (and you will) try this, stop and apologize. Simple, kind words can go a long way.

Please pray with me:
Lord, I want to be set apart for Your work and Your plans. Please check my heart where I’m holding desires or idols closer than You, where I am posturing for my way instead of Your way. Help me think before I speak and act so that I am a worthy representative of how Jesus would act and do. And prompt me to apologize when I don’t. I desire to follow You every day until I’m home with You in Heaven. Amen