We took a beach vacation for Spring Break of my son’s senior year. While the sun, sand, and waves were the lure for this vacation, they served merely as a picturesque backdrop to one of the most beautiful conversations of my life. We allowed our son to bring a friend on this trip, another senior guy, and he was a welcome addition to our week at the beach. One night at dinner in our condo, we started talking about college majors and career paths (topics top-of-mind for the seniors who were weeks away from graduation).

Between passing the salad and green beans, I mentioned that in my senior year of high school, I took an independent study course, researched a topic for the school year, and gave an in-depth presentation right before I graduated. I told them the topic I researched paved the path I chose in college, which led to an internship where I made many valuable connections. The most valuable connection being the one that led me to my husband. It really wasn’t that long of a conversation, or even that deep. Just a few historical facts about my teenage-to-young-adult life.

The next morning, we headed out early for an excursion. We had to take two cars, so our daughters drove with my husband and the boys hopped in the Jeep with me. We weren’t even out of our condo parking lot before my son’s friend asked, “Mrs. Hildebrand, how did you know what you wanted to research in that independent study course? It seems that set your life on a certain course. But how did you know?” His question had a certain desperation, as if he was looking for an illusive formula for his own life.

In that rented Jeep with surf boards strapped to the top, I told them I had no idea how I came up with the notion to study corporate wellness programs, except that it was a new concept that I was genuinely interested in. I told them the big take-away is not the what, but the why. It wasn’t what I studied, it was why I wanted to study it. God had placed an interest in me, and I followed it out of curiosity. Probably no other senior in high school cared about corporate wellness programs. But I did and I continued to study corporate wellness programs in college and parlayed that into a two-year internship with the entity that conducted a lot of important research on corporate wellness programs.

It was directly because of connections at the internship that I was introduced to my husband. I also relayed to the boys – who were surprisingly all ears – that the best part of my story is not the decisions I made or choices that got me to the next place. No, not by a long shot. I told them the best part of my story as a 50-something-year-old is that I can look back on my life and clearly see God’s hand firmly on every detail. He guided every step – even when I thought I was tightly holding the reins. When I was in my youth I wondered if God was walking with me. Looking back from the vantage point of my older years, I have no doubt He was with me – closer than I could imagine. It is His hand, not my decisions, that is the star of my story. I just couldn’t see that in my youth.

As I was talking to the boys, my own story was ministering to me. I’m not sure I had ever taken the time to plot out every decision in my early life to clearly reveal the loving hand of God firmly on all of it. On all of me.

I may have known it, or assumed it, cerebrally, but laying it out and looking back and stacking each Ebenezer stone of remembrance was the highlight of our trip for me. (1 Samuel 7:12, In the Bible, Ebenezer – meaning “stone of help” – is a monument erected by the prophet Samuel to commemorate God’s miraculous deliverance of the Israelites from the Philistines. It symbolizes God’s faithfulness in trials and desperation, serving as a reminder of God’s intervention.)

And I think every reader of mine knows this, but I’m not some super-success story. I’m not on Wall Street or entrenched in Silicon Valley. The only thing I start-up is the dishwasher. I’m not the typical person anyone wants to pull up a chair next to and say, “Tell me how you got here.” I’m a wife and mom who writes and is absolutely in love with Jesus. But that’s also something I wouldn’t have known in my youth: that’s success, at least for me.

One would think someone of my, eh hem, maturity, would be envious of youth. While there are so many great things about youth, young people usually take those perks for granted – I know I did. Smooth skin? Of course, it’s always been smooth. High energy? Who doesn’t want to go from one high-energy event to the next? A future full of potential? That sounded scary, not exciting. But I wouldn’t trade the thinning of the veil that comes with decades alongside Jesus for youth. To look back at my life and know He’s been with me… that’s worth more than even turning back time.

Even (and maybe even especially) looking back at the tears, regrets, and painful memories, I see His hand on me. Some of the hurtful things I thought I would never recover from have been redeemed. Circumstances that I thought would be life-altering barely register as a memory anymore. Not that every hurt has been healed, but I do see vividly more than ever that God works for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). I’m not sure young Julie would have or could have believed it.

In my youth, I wondered if He would be faithful. I wondered if He could be trusted with my life. In my fifties, I know. He has spent my whole life confirming He absolutely is Faithful and True (Revelation 19:11) and the only One worthy of those names. With youth in my rearview mirror, I’m loving my Ebenezer era.

Dear Lord, Thank You. Just thank You for all of it. For all of me and the years You’ve given me. Thank You that You prove Yourself over and over in our lives. May we never spin our wheels wishing for bygone youth but instead let us fully live out the lives You have so intentionally planned for us. No matter how we started, let us all finish well. Lord, we love You. Maranatha! Amen.