Over the weekend, I was on a unique girls’ trip. None of us knew all the other nine women, but we were each close to a few. We were different ages, ranging from one in college to some in their 30s, others in their 50s, and one over 75. Since it was a new group, we were eager to get to know each other, without expectations as to what would result from the days together.
Yet, the conversation was surprisingly deep. As one shared an emotional wound they were on the journey to heal, there wasn’t judgment, just tender understanding, empathetic tears, and lots of loving support (and hugs). With each story, another person felt confident to share their own. It was truly beautiful.
If my Grandma were alive today, she would say society has lost its ability to write encouraging notes to each other, as well as to sit down around the kitchen table and talk, usually with a cup of coffee, a fresh baked good, and a deck of cards. We’ve lost some of the finer points of caring for each other, from allotting time for relationships to blossom, and the presence needed to truly hear each other.
My weekend away was inspiring. It left me wanting more of these conversations in my day-to-day. They were vulnerable and courageous. In admitting we aren’t perfect, we allowed others to see our mistakes, our fears, and our true feelings. We felt safe and seen. The real connection and love demonstrated among the group allowed us to feel comfortable and confident that we wouldn’t be rejected or judged.
Years ago, I was alongside a young lady living a college life of binge drinking. She wasn’t unlike many others on campus, but for her, it became an addiction. Her mom didn’t brush it off. She didn’t rationalize that her daughter was sowing her wild oats. She didn’t sugarcoat the destructive behavior. She honestly assessed what was happening and sought help. Today, she shares how her daughter’s alcoholism and corresponding sobriety in her early 20s was a gift for their family. Her daughter’s courage in facing addiction, going through AA and recovery, allows her to live a fully actualized life going forward and brought their family together in ways that she never could have imagined.
It wasn’t the dream path the family expected. But the daughter’s future is bright and full of opportunity. The family has retold her story to other families, giving them comfort and hope. Our stories are important to share. There is value in not hiding them, not allowing shame to wrap around them like weeds, strangling the goodness that could come and killing new growth.
What are your wounds? Are you hiding in addiction or abuse at the cost of freedom? Are you hiding in fear and anxiety? Maybe even hiding in ego and pride, missing the chance of walking beside Jesus and being fully healed.
Have you erected walls to keep people out? A friend recently told me of a long-time friendship with a former work colleague, where openness once was the center of the relationship, but now: “I’m knowing her less and less.” If you value the relationships you are in, invest the time and talk about what’s really going on to keep a depth of friendship.
I’m asking you to lower your guard. Take a chance and get vulnerable with a trusted friend.
It might result in breaking down into ugly tears, with snot flowing, but I bet the result is a much-needed emotional release. As believers in Christ, we understand the heaviness and the weightiness from past actions are from sin. It can be sin we chose for ourselves or sin that was done to us. That’s why we need Jesus. It’s only through His blood, His death, and resurrection that we are fully healed.
Jesus desires to come into the painful parts of our lives. He can be trusted.
Jesus said to His disciples, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me” (John 14:1).
Peter reminds us to “Cast all your anxiety on God, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7).
“God is the Living Spirit inside of believers. He guides and cares for us” (John 7:37-39).
“The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are attentive to their cry; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:15-18).
If you are a believer, please be a prayer warrior and intercede for your friends. Put on your daily ARMOR and pray in the spiritual realm to break bondage you might not even know exists.
I asked you to lower your guard. Show them a version of you no one sees. I’m also encouraging you to ask vulnerable questions. When we share our burdens, disappointments, wounds, and our journey of seeking help, getting healing, and even finding freedom, we encourage others to lower their guards too. It doesn’t take a getaway. Like my grandma would say, it can be as simple as an invitation to play cards or go for a walk together.
Let me end with another story. As I was launching my youngest to college, I was fretting that I had forgotten an important life lesson or critical piece of advice to properly equip him, so I reached out to a handful of friends, all different ages and walks of life. As I dropped my confident veneer to share my concerns and emotions, many replied in kind.
Here is Jessica’s response:
Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to this. I wanted to reflect in a way that I could correctly answer and articulate a relatable response. Reading your email brought up a lot of emotions for me. My experience as a parent has been very different. I had to give one of my children up for adoption when they were young, and because of my choices and circumstances, I wasn’t there to help my other child grow into a woman the way a mother hopes to be. I never got to experience the milestones, the college send-offs, or the transition from parent to friend.
Because of that, the advice I wish someone had told me when I was young is that every decision matters more than you think in the moment. Time feels endless when you’re young, but one day you realize the years passed while you were busy surviving, struggling, or making mistakes. I wish someone had taught me that being present is one of the greatest gifts you can give the people you love.
If I could give advice to young people today, it would be to value your family, learn from your mistakes instead of letting them define you, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when life gets hard. Strength isn’t pretending you have all the answers—it’s having the courage to keep moving forward when you don’t.
One success I’m proud of is that I’ve never stopped loving my children, even from a distance. One concern I carry is wondering about the moments I missed and the people they became without me there. But I also hold onto hope that growth, healing, and reconciliation are possible, no matter how much time has passed. Thank you for asking questions that make people reflect on what really matters.
When I asked Jessica if it was ok to share her letter, she replied:
“Absolutely, I agree to share the story! It’s raw and real!!
If we hold our stories in secret, no one will understand our struggles, or they’re not alone in theirs!!!”
Please pray with me: Lord, this life can be really hard. Thank You for walking beside us, even when we pretend You aren’t there. Thank You for the ability to cry out to You in our troubles and for the friends You provide to listen, pass the tissues, and give us a hug. You are an amazing, loving Abba, I love You. Amen.
