For about 10 years while my kids were growing up, I met with two other women weekly. The three of us studied the Bible, read books, prayed, laughed and shared each other’s burdens. They had such an impact on my life – always reminding me who I was created to be in Jesus. Sometimes I felt like they were introducing me to myself, if that makes sense. If I was doubtful or forgot my calling, they would lovingly remind me, “No, this is who God called you to be. Do not settle for being less. You were meant for more, etc.” But one of our meetings in particular defines God’s gift of friendship to me. So often when God gifts a friendship between Christ followers, He is the gift. This particular event happened more than a decade ago, but I think about it often.
I had been struggling with something I wanted God to change in me, and I finally decided I would ask my friends to join me in my prayers. Specifically, I was very frustrated at how often my eyes would well up when something really touched me emotionally. And evidently, a lot touches me emotionally. If someone told me a story that was sad or concerning, or joyful or moving, my eyes would fill up. Or when I would talk about Jesus, I would get misty. I knew others could see my wet eyes, and I believed it was distracting. I tend to go deep in conversations, so the probability of tears is always high for me. I started praying that the Lord would give me better control over my prone-to-well-up eyes. I wanted to be able to have deep conversations without the disruption of my seemingly uncontrollable tear ducts. It may sound silly, but I was praying about it daily.
I decided to share my prayer request at one of our weekly gatherings. I told my friends how I believed I was a distraction and wanted to be able to handle emotional news, conversations, prayers, etc. without tearing up. They heard my prayer request, looked at each other, but didn’t say anything. I was waiting for them to agree to pray for me (that’s kind of what you expect with prayer requests). Instead, one of them broke the silence and said, “No, we’re not going to join you in that prayer.” I must have looked stunned because the other friend picked up the explanation with, “Julie, we actually love that about you. We know exactly when something really touches you. It’s been a gift to us, so no, we won’t pray the Lord takes it away. It’s actually one of our favorite things about you. There’s no guessing about how you really feel.”
None of what they said had ever occurred to me. I was so busy being frustrated at this “design flaw” in me that I never stopped to consider it was an asset. Maybe my welling up wasn’t a distraction, but a point of connection to others. My misty eyes went from a problem that needed to be solved to a profound understanding of how intentionally God had created me. Not only did I feel so seen and loved by my friends, but by the God who was embracing me through this conversation. I stopped praying to be able to suppress my tears when my heart is touched, and each time it happens – even more than a decade later – I think of the way God used my friends to encourage me in the way He intentionally designed me. And now I carry Kleenex at all times.
This exchange was not monumental to anyone else, but I felt so loved and seen by my friends and Jesus. We can be so hyper-critical of ourselves and sure we need to change something; absolutely sure we are built wrong. But friendship for Christians is about so much more than mutual interests or compatibility based on trivial things. It is our opportunity to spur one another on to love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). It is our opportunity to call our friends to be who God created them to be – and cheer them on in that endeavor.
“In friendship… we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another… the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at first meeting – any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.” C.S. Lewis, Four Loves.
My favorite example of this in the Bible is the friendship between David and Jonathan. These two friends loved each other deeply and encouraged each other in the most beautiful way. Jonathan offered unwavering support for David even though David was going to succeed King Saul, Jonathan’s father. If any men had a reason not to be friends, it would be David and Jonathan.
David was a courageous warrior, great musician, and women wrote songs about him (1 Samuel 18:7). No one would have blamed Jonathan if he had been jealous or felt threatened by David. But instead, Jonathan was a true friend who saw the call God had on David’s life and helped him rise to that calling. And get this, David’s calling was to be king, a position that in any other scenario would have gone to Jonathan. And yet, Jonathan loved David as much as he loved himself (1 Samuel 18:3).
As David was being hunted by Saul and feared for his life, Jonathan encouraged David in his faith in God, saying, “Don’t be afraid, for my father Saul will never lay a hand on you. You yourself will be king over Israel” (1 Samuel 23:17). Jonathan was not deterred by his father and his army hunting David, he saw the Lord’s anointing on David and that was the only truth he would speak over his friend.
Friendship is a gift to us from God. I think often of the verse, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another,” (Proverbs 27:17). We are called to bring what God has set in our friends to the surface. We are to help each other be who God created us to be.
Do you have friends who call out what God has so carefully placed in you? Do your friends see the way God created you and encourage you to be that person? Do your friends embolden you in your walk with Jesus? Are you that kind of friend? My brothers and sisters in Christ, it’s time to call out our friends to be who God created them to be.
Dear Lord, thank You for creating friendship and fellowship. From the Garden You knew it was not good for us to be alone. Thank You for being the secret master of ceremonies supernaturally networking like hearts and minds to walk this life together as treasured friends. May we call out what You intentionally designed in our friends for their good and Your glory. We love You, Lord. Maranatha! Amen.
